Can love be a coping mechanism?

Maybe not in and of itself, but one could have coping mechanisms that are loving.

Coping mechanism, you know…that thing…that “adaptation to environmental stress that is based on a conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behavior or gives psychological comfort*.” You know…that coping mechanism.

Some people exercise to cope. Some reach out to a friend. Some use avoidance, alcohol, drugs, shopping, food…

One thing is for sure, coping mechanisms, like any behavior, can use a spring cleaning. Really, you ask? Yes! You could be operating on an outdated software here. “Update Now!”

Taking a thoughtful look and seeing which ones support you and which ones slow you down can be a useful cleanse.

We change. We grow. We learn. You may not have noticed how the growth or change you’ve had could offer a better way to handle your problems and manage your stress. Why not use our best tools now?

Take a few minutes and jot down the ways you cope. After you’ve written down the ones you know, see if you can dig a little deeper and discover ways you’re coping that you weren’t totally conscious of, but now that you think about, yeah, that is one too.

Which ones feel supportive? Put a star next to those. Which ones, if any, feel not so supportive…maybe even a little destructive? Circle those.

Let’s not expect to change every negative coping mechanism at this very moment. We’re cleaning out, not perfectionism-ing. (I just made that up. I don’t think it’ll stick) Instead, look at the ones that are more loving and see how you can bring them forward to help minimize the others.

For example, just suppose – hypothetically speaking of course – my coping mechanisms are comfort food, wine, writing in my journal and taking walks. Then I could, when stressed and feeling like reaching for a glass of wine, instead set my alarm for 5-10 minutes and journal about what’s going on. Or, I can throw on my sneakers and go for a walk around the block.

Remember, it is progress not perfection. That’s not just a slogan. It’s true. Training new patterns of behavior to better support who we are today takes practice. That thing that makes us think of a piano.

Stretch yourself into some new behavioral responses…sounds so sexy I know, but stretching is good.

And then you can take a nap.

*Per www.dictionary.com – a coping mechanism is an adaptation to environmental stress that is based on a conscious or unconscious choice and that enhances control over behavior or gives psychological comfort.